TURN A SUMMER FLING INTO A LASTING LOVE
It's summer! Inhibitions are down, energy is up, you're strutting in fewer clothes, feeling natural and free, and the heat is on... which can lead to quick and easy ings. But just because it’s “summer love” doesn’t mean it has to end in the Fall. Turn a hot, beachy romance into an enduring relationship by getting raw, dropping the pretense, and being true to yourself. Tear down those walls and let true love in! The question is: How?
The heat is on! You’re stripping off your clothes, and you’re also starting to feel more comfortable being vulnerable and getting raw—in the emotional sense. You are feeling freer, you aren’t as stressed, and some of your walls may have melted down in the heat, especially if you are on vacation or are taking a little mental vacation by going to the beach. This is the perfect opportunity to meet someone and be yourself—your real self. No facade, no walls, no front.
Go Down Before You Go Up
You’re open and real so the trick is to nd someone else who is also open and real so that you can get to know them in that stripped-down state. Relationships that end quickly are often built on super cial grounds: He’s so hot. I love his car. Look at her body! He’s hysterical. She’s so much fun. You fall in love with that, not them. If you want to build a love that lasts, think about a skyscraper. If you build without digging down and creating a foundation rst, it is more likely to tumble. Same goes for relationships. Go down before you go up. Sure, he looks hot in a bathing suit, but that’s not enough of a reason to hook up. What else is there? Who is he really? Can you have a conversation of substance? Try to understand who the person is as a human being: What are their core values? Do their core values align with your core values?
I’ll Show you Mine. Then you Show Me Yours
So just how do you go down before you go up? Here’s how: I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. You are setting the standard, establishing the expectation, and creating a safe space for honesty. Lead by example and model your desired outcome; if you go deep, they will go deep. Share something about yourself rst, maybe something you’re not so proud of but that helped you learn a lesson, allowing you to be better and wiser now. When you are vulnerable, you create a safe zone for the other person to be vulnerable too. Then your conversation will be more layered and interesting. They will tell you a story that is equally substantive. Then you are creating a connection that is deep, not superficial. That creates a strong foundation.
Reveal Your Non-Starters
If you see real potential, have conversations about real topics—such as how you see your future. For example, if having children is important to you, bring it up! But not in a demanding way, “I want to have kids and if you don’t want to, then screw you.” Instead, talk about it through a story, “It’s so fun watching those kids at the beach. I think I am going to be an amazing mom or
dad. Have you ever thought about having kids (or more kids)?”
Ask Pre-Qualifying Questions
Ask pre-qualifying questions that reveal who this guy or girl is. You want to make sure that your core values align and that you are on the same page when it comes to your purpose.
Have Substantive Conversations
Don’t just talk about how beautiful the beach is and what party you should go to tonight. Enrich your vacation by sharing things that matter to you.
Keep your Danger Radar on alert. If you nd yourself in an uncomfortable situation, be honest. You can be sweet yet strong and unwavering.
Stay away from Toxic, Boring & Unhealthy
Summer love may be fun, but if it's an unhealthy, boring, or toxic romance it could put a damper on your carefree energy. Keep it light, honest, and real. If it doesn't feel right, end it.
A summer love can last a lifetime!